FUN of The Economy

1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the building standing,. It�s called the stock market - *Jay Leno * 2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are ?? Wall Street is now being called Wal Mart Street- *Jay Leno * 3. The difference between a pigeon and a London investment banker . *The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW * 4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas and an investment banker ? *A tie * 5. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that *on the left side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left. *6. I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching our show, if you get any e mails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it - *Jay Leno * 7. Bush was asked about the credit crunch. He said it was his favorite candy bar -* Jay Leno * 8. The rescue bill was about 450 pages. President Obama's copy is even thicker. They had to include pictures. *Jay Leno* 9. President Obama's response was to support some small business owners in America. The small business owners are General Motors, General Electric and Century 21. - *Jay Leno * 10. What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one of my checks is returned stamped 'insufficient funds'. * I won't know whether that refers to mine or the bank's.* *NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS * *CEO* --Chief Embezzlement Officer. *CFO* -- Corporate Fraud Officer. *BULL MARKET* -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. *BEAR MARKET* -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry. *VALUE INVESTING* -- The art of buying low and selling lower. *P/E RATIO* -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. *BROKER* -- What my broker has made me. *STANDARD & POOR* -- Your life in a nutshell. *STOCK ANALYST* -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock. *STOCK SPLIT* -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. *FINANCIAL PLANNER* -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. *MARKET CORRECTION* -- The day after you buy stocks. *CASH FLOW*-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. *YAHOO* -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. *WINDOWS* -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share. *INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR* -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. *PROFIT* -- An archaic word no longer in use